Saturday, November 03, 2007

Sunset in Sri Lanka : A Tribute


As i read Eugene O’Kellys book “Chasing daylight” my thoughts drift to my own dad who like Eugene once did, stands at the edge of darkness. Like for Eugene, Dad has been taken over by a tumor that is about the size of a baseball. Unlike Eugene though, Dads condition is marked with profound confusion and pain.

Days pass, and as i reflect on my own journey so far, it is hard not to search for the meaning that life as we know it offers. As my days with the giant corporate pass by, i increasingly feel more and more numb about the things that i once used to love doing. I am reminded a close friends favorite quote (perhaps from Eugenes own wisdom), “begin with the end in mind”. Had dad known that his end would be turbulent, how different would he have lived his life? I wonder then if this perhaps in his own way, is his own life lesson for me.

Dad is not my hero. He lived in a way that pleased him. His decisions on his own desires. In many ways he lived a life that of his own. Unlike Eugene, he didn’t want to share his lessons, encourage, or be inclusive. Dad is private. His relationship was very much absent from my own life, yet, perhaps he thought me the profoundest lesson, of all what i should never be to my own children. Perhaps then, ironically, his influence on me is deep. When you juxtapose the influence of experience and consequential learning that follows, you derive meaning of a future that in which his influence has been nothing short of magnificent.

Dad moves towards the end of his book. The final chapter teaches me that i need to live each day of my life and only then will my book bring meaning in the end.

I held my fathers hands for the first time ever (he has never held mine). He squeezes them tight and his tears start rolling. He and I both know that his final chapter is magnificent.

2 comments:

HobbiT said...

*hugs*

*k said...

That was...beautiful. Raw & honest. Thank you.

*kat